• PEM Symptoms: My Body’s Accounting Department Has No Mercy

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    There’s this thing called PEM — Post-Exertional Malaise. Fancy medical term for you only have so much energy and if you overspend, you’ll regret it for days. For me, PEM is the defining symptom of the ME/CFS that shadows my other diagnoses — the POTS, EDS, and MCAS that are all constantly fighting for control over my system. But frankly, most doctors treat it like a suggestion rather than a biological wall. How It Works For Me I have a teeny-tiny finite amount of energy every single day. We’re talking a strict, non-negotiable budget that does not roll over, does not accept credit, and absolutely does not care about your plans. Every single thing I do costs something. And when the budget runs out —…

  • Brain Fog and Decision Paralysis: When My Brain Won’t Brain

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    Why are decisions so hard sometimes? Story Time After I had my first C-section, the nurse told me to push the button every time the light came on so I did exactly what she told me to do. Light came on I pushed the button. Light came on I pushed the button. When I got to my room, they wanted me to eat something. I was vegetarian at the time and I’m looking at my choices: chicken broth or vegetable broth. By this point, I was so high I couldn’t figure it out. I knew there was only one right answer but which one? They took away my button and chastised me for hitting it too much. Hey! I just followed the directions exactly as…

  • My POTS Diagnosis Story

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    I have a very weird medical chart, but if I had to pick the most exhausting symptom to explain to a stranger, it’s the fact that my body is actively allergic to standing up. Seriously. My body hates gravity. Most people take standing up for granted. You roll out of bed, you stand at the sink to brush your teeth, you walk to the mailbox. Your brain and your heart have a nice, quiet convo, your blood vessels constrict, and your blood pressure stays exactly where it belongs so you don’t pass out. My body missed that memo entirely. And the roots of this gravity battle go all the way back to 2015. Granted, I wasn’t officially diagnosed with POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) until…

  • My hEDS Diagnosis Story

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    I was a bendy kid. I could do a backbend and walk my hands all the way back to my feet until my body made an O. I mostly sat with my legs in a W on the floor. So comfy. I would also sit with my legs tucked behind my head like a pretzel. I slept in a kind of child’s pose every night, but legs in a W and hands curled inward tucked under my chin. Just how my body wanted to be. I thought I was just built different. Cool, even. My body could do things other kids’ bodies couldn’t, and nobody told me otherwise, so I filed it under fun party tricks and moved on. Nobody mentioned hypermobility. Nobody mentioned Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome….

  • Mom Guilt, Chronic Illness, & The Mom I Pictured

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    Sometimes I feel like a failure.  I was going to be the mom I always pictured. Suzy Homemaker, you know? Doing art or science projects, fun scavenger hunts, and going to nature parks and playgrounds. Throwing DIY, Pinterest-worthy parties. Making dinner every night and fabulous holiday meals. Making their lunches with cute little shapes and fun notes. Making bread and pies from scratch. The Mom I Pictured Am I that mom? I was. We did a few full-on art and science projects every week. Played games or cards every day. We went to playgrounds or nature parks a few times a month. Side note: this is FL and it’s too damn hot — on that one I was dreaming. Threw Pinterest worthy parties that I…

  • This Cracked Teacup: ‘Cuz Spite Is A Valid Coping Skill

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    This is the worst time in America since like the ’60s to be neurodivergent and/or disabled — and lucky me, I’m both. So naturally, I started a blog, because spite is a completely valid coping strategy and I am nothing if not committed to my own chaos. Hi, I’m Lee. Welcome to This Cracked Teacup. Let me tell you what I’m working with. My brain: self-diagnosed autistic, ADHD combined type, PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder), MDD (major depressive disorder), GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), and OCPD (obsessive-compulsive personality disorder — not just anxiety-driven rituals, but a whole perfectionism personality). The last of which I think is really just the ’tism in a trench coat. My body: hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome), MCAS (mast cell activation syndrome), POTS (postural…